I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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