I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
