Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
