the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
