Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
