this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
P.S. I can't hear my feet
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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