On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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