Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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