Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I would ride that face into the sunset
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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