even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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