Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
