dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
