if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You were trust falling into bushes
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
