she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
a search helicopter?!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
