I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i out mim tonsoeep
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize