connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
