the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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