I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
