Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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