how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
