new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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