i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
