I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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