That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
