I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
