I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
