No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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