It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
