I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
