i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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