I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
