Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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