I want to stick my p in your. b.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
