I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
