Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
