It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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