Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize