I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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