Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
