In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
