U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
a search helicopter?!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize