Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
