Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
