i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
