Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
