Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
