Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
