My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
