remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
