You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
