In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
