is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
