you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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