Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
