Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
