I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
