Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
