Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
