I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
