he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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