apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
