I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
