how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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