im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
