So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
