You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
