you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
