I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize