Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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