i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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