You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
