At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is Oprah even human
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
