New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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