There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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