i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
